I always knew that I'd have a hard time with being married.. I knew that I would have to work hard at making it last. But I never knew that it was this hard. I'll be married for one year march 22nd 2009. And I sometimes don't know how its lasted this long. Things here are getting worse and worse .. I feel like I'm alone .. like this is all a one sided thing. Half the time I don't know if it's just me over re-acting like I always do, or if it's really the way it is. I wish that I could just go about my life and that all the thoughts in my head would end.
I moved here July 2007 and I wasn't allowed to work by law.. so my husband< bf> at the time supported me.. I didn't ask for things that I didn't need and never really asked him for anything ... I babysat for my smoke money and for money for the little things I needed. I made sure to only ask him for things that I really needed. Now, I'm allowed to work and have been for a few months now... and it's all supposed to be better.. it's all supposed to be easier for us both. We have our own apartment now, our own life. And yet here I am .. now that i'm working, he seems to feel like he doesn't have to .. . we have bills steady bills to pay every month and i can't do it on my own.. i just can't . And it really annoys me when he comes in here whining and crying to me in the morning about not wanting to go to work that morning .. what does he want me to say exactly ?? I get paid every 2 weeks, he gets paid every damn week.. and my last check and this one i just got i had to take money out of what my half of stuff to pay and things that i needed to put money towards shit he's supposed to pay. All I want is for it to be equal. I don't want to be the only one cooking and cleaning and doing laundry and i am .. he doesn't do any of that .. This Suzie Homemaker life is NOT for me .. and I don't know what to do anymore.. I really need some advice.. and although the advice that my friend from back home gave me <kick him in the head> does sound tempting .. I really don't know what to do anymore.. I work all day monday through friday and then i come home from work, cook dinner and clean up .. do dishes.. all of that .. on the weekends.. i do laundry and a big clean.. it's getting sad and pathetic.. I really need some friends here. I don't know anyone but his family and him and I really feel like i need to get the hell outta here.. I need a break.. . or worse.. i need him to know and understand how i feel .. seeing as i can't talk to him about it ever.. he gets too defensive about it all. I just don't know what to do anymore , who to talk to .. or how to feel.
He called outta work today whining about his back, when i slipped and fell on the ice 2 days ago and really can't lift or move my arm without it being painful....yet , I went to work.. .I'm so frustrated .